Oftentimes, people are self-sabotaging in dating out of fear of getting hurt.
They run away from potential relationships out of a desire to protect ourselves from heartbreak and experiencing further trauma. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to completely safeguard yourself from disappointment and broken hearts because it’s a part of life and love.
Here are five signs that you might be self-sabotaging yourself in dating.
You Constantly Bring Up the Past
A common way that people are self-sabotaging in dating is by constantly bringing up the past. This might include rehashing past mistakes in the relationship or things that happened before. To stop fixating on the past, it’s essential to separate yourself from past traumas, hurts or difficult circumstances.
You Project Onto Your Partner
When you project, you take negative thoughts or actions and project them onto your partner. Projecting emotions often creates confusion and frustrations in a relationship. To stop projecting, it’s important to acknowledge how you feel and take ownership of your emotions.
You Always Anticipate the Worst
A glass half empty mentality can have a detrimental effect on a relationship. You self-sabotage the relationship by constantly expecting the other shoe to drop by your partner. Interrogate this pessimistic way of thinking by asking yourself questions about why you focus on the negative or worst-case scenarios.
You Displace Your Emotions
In a relationship, displacing your emotions might mean taking out the stress, anger or disappointment onto your partner. Since your partner is one of the closest people to you, you might feel safe to take off your mask, but a problem arises when you displace emotions from something else onto your partner in a way that creates tension.
One way to avoid displaced emotions is by taking time to ground yourself. This might look like taking a moment to disconnect from a heated conversation and stepping aside to take a breath. Do a quick body scan and give yourself a moment to practice mindfulness.
You’re Constantly in Defense Mode
Defense mechanisms are an unconscious means of protecting oneself from things, people and situations that cause anxiety. This might look like pushing people away or repressing your core needs and fundamental truths. Unfortunately, the high walls you keep up to protect yourself will also keep you from experiencing true intimacy and connection. To counteract this, practice being vulnerable and sharing your emotions and experiences openly with your partner.